It Is Going To Be A Bad Day When...

  • The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.

  • The Gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money.

  • The woman you've been seeing on the side begins to look like your wife or the man you've been seeing on the side begins to look like your husband.

  • There is a '60 Minutes' crew at your office door.

  • You accidently wash your hair with "Nair".

  • You call the Suicide Prevention Hotline and they put you on hold.

  • You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business.

  • You find a completely empty parking lot when you get to work at 9:00 AM.

  • You find your boss, two higher levels of management, and a security guard waiting for you when you get in.

  • You get a paper cut from a get-well card.

  • You have an asthma attack on the way to work, and you confuse your inhaler with with your Mace.

  • You have to borrow from your Visa to pay off your MasterCard.

  • You put both contact lenses in the same eye.

  • You put your bra on backwards, and it fits better.

  • You see the "That's Life" team waiting for you in your office.

  • You see your picture at the post office with the caption "$100,000 Reward".

  • You think your toothpaste tastes funny, and upon closer examination find out that it's Preparation-H.

  • You turn on the news and they're displaying emergency routes out of your city.

  • You wake up and your braces are locked together.

  • You wake up face down on the sidewalk.

  • You wake up to discover that your waterbed broke; then you remember that you don't have a waterbed.

  • You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your panty hose.

  • Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

  • Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.

  • Your boss tells you to not bother taking off you coat.

  • Your car costs more to fill up than it did to buy.

  • Your doctor tells you, "Well, I have bad news and good news..."

  • Your ex's lawyer calls.

  • Your four-year-old tells you that it is almost impossible to flush a grapefruit down the toilet.

  • Your horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.

  • Your income tax rebate check bounces.

  • Your manager calls you into the office on a Friday.

  • Your twin brother/sister forgets your birthday.

  • Your wife says "Good morning Bill", and your name is George.

  • Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache.