Real Bumper Stickers If you know interesting bumper sticker(s) that you'd like to share, please e-mail. Thanks! "Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy. "More hay, Trigger?" "No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!" A closed mouth gathers no feet. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance. A penny saved is just another damn thing for the cat to knock off of the dresser. A penny saved is ridiculous. All that glitters has a high refractive index. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. Anarchy is better than no government at all. Any small object when dropped will hide under a larger object. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools Assassins do it from behind. Be moderate where pleasure is concerned, avoid fatigue. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot. Beware of quantum duck hunters! Quark! Quark! Boldly going nowhere Cat: The other white meat CAUTION - Driver legally blonde Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. Cover me. I'm changing lanes. Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired. Death is Nature's way of saying 'slow down'. Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock. Don't force it, get a larger hammer. Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive. Driver carries no cash; HE IS MARRIED Earn cash in your spare time...blackmail friends. Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway Entropy isn't what it used to be. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? Fairy tales: horror stories for children to get them used to reality. Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs. Fight Crime: Shoot Back! Forget about World Peace...Visualize Using Your Turn Signal! Friends don't let Friends drive Naked. Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. Give me ambiguity or give me something else. God did not create the world in 7 days. He pulled an all-nighter on the 6th. Going the speed of light is bad for your age. Happiness is a belt-fed weapon Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. He who laughs last takes too long to get the joke He who laughs last thinks slowest Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. Herblock's Law: If it's good, they will stop making it. He's not dead, He's electroencephalographically challenged History does not repeat itself, historians merely repeat each other. Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a car window I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die. I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles. I love cats ... they taste just like chicken i souport publik edukasion I took an IQ test and the results were negative. I used to have a handle on life, then it broke. I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it. I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac. If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic. If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? If you are psychic - think "HONK" If you can read this, please flip me back over... (seen upside down, on a Jeep) If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now If you make it idiot proof, someone will just come along and make a better idiot. I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar. I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing! It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education. It works better if you plug it in. It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you. It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere. Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer. Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot. Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control! Let not the sands of time get in your lunch. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. Mediocrity thrives on standardization. Minds act like a parachute. They only function when opened. Money talks -- Unfortunately, mine only says Good-By. Montana -- At least our cows are sane! My child was "Inmate of the month", at the California Youth Correctional Facility. My kid can beat up your honor student! Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check? Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy. Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research. Reality is the only obstacle to happiness. Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from! Remember folks: Stop lights timed for 35mph are also timed for 70mph. Seen on the back of a biker's vest: If you can read this, my wife fell off. Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off. Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake! The gene pool could use a little chlorine. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette. There are 3 kinds of people in the world: those who can count & those who can't. There's too much blood in my caffeine system. Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students! Tow-ers will be violated Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes. Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated. We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART? What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free? When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS. Where there's a will, I want to be in it! Why is "abbreviation" such a long word? Wink, I'll do the rest! Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT! Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted. We don't care how they do it up North. When I get old, I'm going up North and drive SLOW. - Homestead, FL [Contributed by Richard Hunkiar] Marrige is GRAND, Divorce is 20 GRAND - Homestead, FL [Contributed by Richard Hunkiar]