::::: Sunny Side of "Insignificance" :::::

Actual Label Instructions

-- Due to lawsuits the following warnings are now required

On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
On a blender: "Not for use as an aquarium."
On a calendar: "Use of term "Sunday" for reference only. No meteorological warranties express or implied."
On a can of Fix-a-Flat: "Not to be used for breast augmentation."
On a cardboard windshield sun shade: "Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place."
On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
On a cup of McDonald's coffee: "Allow to cool before applying to groin area."
On a disposable razor: "Do not use this product during an earthquake."
On a handgun: "Not recommended for use as a nutcracker."
On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box: "Fits one head."
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
On a Korean kitchen knife: "Warning keep out of children."
On a Magic 8 Ball: "Not advised for use as a home pregnancy test."
On a microscope: "Objects are smaller and less alarming than they appear."
On a package of Fisherman's Friend(R) throat lozenges: "Not meant as a substitute for human companionship."
On a palm sander: "Not to be used to sand palms."
On a Pentium chip: "If this product exhibits errors, the manufacturer will replace it for a $2-shipping and a $3-handling charge, for a total of $4.97."
On a piano: "Harmful or fatal if swallowed."
On a refrigerator: "Refrigerate after opening."
On a revolving door: "Passenger compartments for individual use only."
On a roll of Life Savers: "Not for use as a flotation device."
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands."
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: open packet, eat nuts."
On an infant's bathtub: "Do not throw baby out with bath water."
On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
On children's alphabet blocks: "Letters may be used to construct words, phrases and sentences that may be deemed offensive."
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
On Odor Eaters: "Do not eat."
On packaging for a Rowenta Iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
On pantyhose: "Not to be used in the commission of a felony."
On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts."
On Sears hair dryer: "Do not use while sleeping."
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost."
On syrup of ipecac: "Caution: "May cause vomiting."
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn upside down."
On work gloves: "For best results, do not leave at crime scene."