In regard to Marriage (from Man's point of view) To those who are married and who are reluctant to get married : Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger??" The other replied, "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man." A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. Before a man is married, he is incomplete. Then when he is married, he is finished. A successful husband is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful wife is one who can find such a husband. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. Marriage is an institution in which a man losses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's status. A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married??" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying for it." Young son : "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad : "That happens in most countries son." Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and then it was too late." A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes. Wife has the last word in any argument. Anything husband says after that is the beginning of a new argument. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why. Affair ? Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen. After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the Husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it." A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife wanted". The next day, he received hundreds letters. They all said the same thing "You can have mine." When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing : either the car is new or his wife is new. A woman was telling her friend : "It is I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" the friend asked. The woman replied, "A multimillionaire." I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was "Always." I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her. What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced. Marriage is a 3-ring circus. Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering. Our last fight was my fault. My wife asked me. "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!" Why do men die before their wives? They want to. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful. Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't? Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want and then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want and then go the refrigerator.