| "COMPETITIVE SALARY" |
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors. |
| "JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY" |
We have no time to train you. |
| "CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE" |
We don't pay enough to expect you to dress up. |
| "MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED" |
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day. |
| "SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"Some time each night and some time each weekend. |
| "DUTIES WILL VARY" |
Anyone in the office can boss you around. |
| "MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL" |
We have no quality control. |
| "CAREER-MINDED" |
Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way). |
| "APPLY IN PERSON" |
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled. |
| "NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE" |
We've filled the job; our call for a resume is just a legal formality. |
| "SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE" |
You'll need it to replace three people who just left. |
| "PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST" |
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos. |
| "REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS" |
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect. |
| "GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS" |
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it. |
| "I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION" |
I've used Microsoft Office. |
| "I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE" |
I pilfer office supplies. |
| "MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES" |
I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had. |
| "I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK" |
I blame others for my mistakes. |
| "I'M PERSONABLE" |
I give lots of unsolicited personal advice. |
| "I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL" |
I carry a Day Timer. |
| "I AM ADAPTABLE" |
I've changed jobs a lot. |
| "I AM ON THE GO" |
I'm never at my desk. |
| "I AM HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED" |
The minute I find a better job, I'm outta here. |
