| Plain and Honest version |
PC version |
| She is not a BABE or a CHICK |
She is a BREASTED AMERICAN. |
| She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE |
She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT. |
| She is not a BAD COOK |
She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE. |
| She is not HALF NAKED |
She is WARDROBE IMPAIRED. |
| She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY |
She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED. |
| She is not CONCEITED |
She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES. |
| She does not GAIN WEIGHT |
She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER. |
| She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER |
She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE. |
| She is not EASY |
She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE. |
| She does not TEASE or FLIRT |
She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION. |
| She is not TOO SKINNY |
She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT. |
| She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME |
She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE. |
| She is not KINKY |
She is a NON-INHIBITED SEXUAL COMPANION. |
| She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP |
She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION. |
| She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS |
She is GRAVITY RESISTANT. |
| He does not have a BEER GUT |
He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY. |
| He is not a BAD DANCER |
He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN. |
| He doesn't GET LOST ALL THE TIME |
He investigates ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS. |
| He is not BALDING |
He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION. |
| He is not a CRADLE ROBBER |
He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS. |
| He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK |
He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL. |
| He does not act like a TOTAL ASS |
He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION. |
| He is not a SEX MACHINE |
He is ROMANTICALLY AUTOMATED. |
| He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG |
He has SWINE EMPATHY. |
| He does not UNDRESS YOU WITH HIS EYES |
He has an INTROSPECTIVE PORNOGRAPHIC MOMENT. |
| He is not afraid of COMMITMENT |
He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED. |
