| Q. |
What does HMO stand for? |
| A. |
This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe" Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical finger poke with hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail and referral slips, but the result remains the same. |
| Q. |
Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification? |
| A. |
No. Only those you need. |
| Q. |
I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want? |
| A. |
Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were participating in the plan at the time the information was gathered. These doctors basically fall into two categories: those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer part of the plan. But don't worry-the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half day's drive away. |
| Q. |
What are pre-existing conditions? |
| A. |
This is a phrase used by the grammatically challenged when they want to talk about existing conditions. Unfortunately, we appear to be pre-stuck with it. |
| Q. |
Well, can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions? |
| A. |
Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment. |
| Q. |
What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine? |
| A. |
You'll need to find alternative forms of payment. |
| Q. |
My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I do? |
| A. |
Poke yourself in the eye. |
| Q. |
What should I do if I get sick while traveling? |
| A. |
Try sitting in a different part of the bus. |
| Q. |
No, I mean what if I'm away from home and I get sick? |
| A. |
You really shouldn't do that. You'll have a hard time seeing your primary care physician. It's best to wait until you return, and then get sick. |
| Q. |
I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his office? |
| A. |
Hard to say, but considering that all you're out is the $10 co-payment, there's no harm giving him a shot at it. |
