| Accordionated |
(adj.) Being able to drive and re-fold a road map at the same time. |
|
| Aquadextrous |
(adj.) Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes. |
|
| Aqualibrium |
(n.) The point where the stream of drinking fountain water is at its perfect height, thus relieving the drinker from
(a) having to suck the nozzle, or (b) squirting himself in the eye
(or ear). |
|
| Arachnoleptic fit |
(n.) The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. |
|
| Beelzebug |
(n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at 3 in the morning and cannot be cast out. |
|
| Bozone |
(n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. |
|
| Burgacide |
(n.) When a hamburger can't take any more torture and hurls itself through the grill into the coals. |
|
| Buzzacks |
(n.) People in phone marts who walk around picking up display phones and listening for dial tones even when they know the phones are not connected. |
|
| Carperpetuation |
(n.) The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance. |
|
| Cashtration |
(n.) The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period. |
|
| Caterpallor |
(n.) The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating. |
|
| Decaflon |
(n.) The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. |
|
| Dimp |
(n.) A person who insults you in a cheap department store by asking, "Do you work here?" |
|
| Disconfect |
(v.) To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, somehow assuming this will remove all the germs. |
|
| Dopelar effect |
(n.) The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you come at them rapidly. |
|
| Ecnalubma |
(n.) A rescue vehicle which can only be seen in the rear view mirror. |
|
| Eiffelites |
(n.) Gangly people sitting in front of you at the movies who, no matter which direction you lean in, follow suit. |
|
| Elbonics |
(n.) The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater. |
|
| Elecelleraton |
(n.) The mistaken notion that the more you press an elevator button the faster it will arrive. |
|
| Extraterrestaurant |
(n.) An eating place where you feel you've been abducted and experimented upon. Also known as an E-T-ry. |
|
| Faunacated |
(adj.) How wildlife ends up when its environment is destroyed. Hence faunacatering (v.), which has made a meal of many species. |
|
| Foreploy |
(n.) Any misrepresentation or outright lie about yourself that leads to sex. |
|
| Frust |
(n.) The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug. |
|
| Grantartica |
(n.) The cold, isolated place where art companies dwell without funding. |
|
| Hemaglobe |
(n.) The bloody state of the world. |
|
| Intaxication |
(n.) Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. |
|
| Kinstirpation |
(n.) A painful inability to move relatives who come to visit. |
|
| Lactomangulation |
(v.) Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the illegal side. |
|
| Lullabuoy |
(n.) An idea that keeps floating into your head and prevents you from drifting off to sleep. |
|
| Neonphancy |
(n.) A fluorescent light bulb struggling to come to life. |
|
| Peppier |
(n.) The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper. |
|
| Petrophobic |
(adj.) One who is embarrassed to undress in front of a household pet. |
|
| Phonesia |
(n.) The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer. |
|
| Pupkus |
(n.) The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses it nose to it. |
|
| Telecrastination |
(n.) The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, when you're only six inches away. |
