Observations on Male and Female Stages of Life

Age Male Female
17beerWine Coolers
25beerWhite wine
35vodkaRed wine
48double vodkaDom Perignon
66MaaloxShot of Jack with an Ensure chaser

Age Seduction Line Excuses for Refusing Dates
17 My parents are away for the weekend Need to wash my hair
25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend Need to wash and condition my hair
35 My fiancee is away for the weekend Need to color my hair
48 My wife is away for the weekend Need to have Francois color my hair
66 My second wife is dead Need to have Francois color my wig

Age Favorite Sport Favorite Sport
17 sex shopping
25 sex shopping
35 sex shopping
48 sex shopping
66 napping shopping

Age Drug Drug
17 pot shopping
25 coke shopping
35 really good coke shopping
48 power shopping
66 coke, a limousine, the company jet shopping

Age Definition of a Successful Date Definition of a Successful Date
17 "tongue" "Burger King"
25 "breakfast" "Free meal"
35 "She didn't set back my therapy." "A diamond"
48 "I didn't have to meet her kids." "A bigger diamond"
66 "Got home alive." "Home Alone"

Age Favorite Fantasy Favorite Fantasy
17 getting to third tall, dark and handsome
25 airplane sex tall, dark and handsome with money
35 menage a trois tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
48 taking the company public a man with hair
66 Swiss maid/Nazi love slave a man

Age House Pet House Pet
17 roaches Muffy the cat
25 stoned-out college roommate Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat
35 Irish setter Irish setter and Muffy the Cat
48 children from his first marriage Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat
66 Barbie Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs Muffy

Age What's the Ideal Age to get Married? What's the Ideal Age to get Married?
17 25 17
25 35 25
35 48 35
48 66 48
66 17 66

Age Ideal Date Ideal Date
17 Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in He offers to pay
25 "Split the check before we go back to my place" He pays
35 "Just come over." He cooks breakfast the next morning
48 "Just come over and cook." He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
66 sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas. He can chew breakfast