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Observations on Male and Female Stages of Life
|
| Age |
Male |
Female |
| 17 | beer | Wine Coolers |
| 25 | beer | White wine |
| 35 | vodka | Red wine |
| 48 | double vodka | Dom Perignon |
| 66 | Maalox | Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser |
|
| Age |
Seduction Line |
Excuses for Refusing Dates |
| 17 |
My parents are away for the weekend |
Need to wash my hair |
| 25 |
My girlfriend is away for the weekend |
Need to wash and condition my hair |
| 35 |
My fiancee is away for the weekend |
Need to color my hair |
| 48 |
My wife is away for the weekend |
Need to have Francois color my hair |
| 66 |
My second wife is dead |
Need to have Francois color my wig |
|
| Age |
Favorite Sport |
Favorite Sport |
| 17 |
sex |
shopping |
| 25 |
sex |
shopping |
| 35 |
sex |
shopping |
| 48 |
sex |
shopping |
| 66 |
napping |
shopping |
|
| Age |
Drug |
Drug |
| 17 |
pot |
shopping |
| 25 |
coke |
shopping |
| 35 |
really good coke |
shopping |
| 48 |
power |
shopping |
| 66 |
coke, a limousine, the company jet |
shopping |
|
| Age |
Definition of a Successful Date |
Definition of a Successful Date |
| 17 |
"tongue" |
"Burger King" |
| 25 |
"breakfast" |
"Free meal" |
| 35 |
"She didn't set back my therapy." |
"A diamond" |
| 48 |
"I didn't have to meet her kids." |
"A bigger diamond" |
| 66 |
"Got home alive." |
"Home Alone" |
|
| Age |
Favorite Fantasy |
Favorite Fantasy |
| 17 |
getting to third |
tall, dark and handsome |
| 25 |
airplane sex |
tall, dark and handsome with money |
| 35 |
menage a trois |
tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain |
| 48 |
taking the company public |
a man with hair |
| 66 |
Swiss maid/Nazi love slave |
a man |
|
| Age |
House Pet |
House Pet |
| 17 |
roaches |
Muffy the cat |
| 25 |
stoned-out college roommate |
Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat |
| 35 |
Irish setter |
Irish setter and Muffy the Cat |
| 48 |
children from his first marriage |
Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat |
| 66 |
Barbie |
Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs Muffy |
|
| Age |
What's the Ideal Age to get Married? |
What's the Ideal Age to get Married? |
| 17 |
25 |
17 |
| 25 |
35 |
25 |
| 35 |
48 |
35 |
| 48 |
66 |
48 |
| 66 |
17 |
66 |
|
| Age |
Ideal Date |
Ideal Date |
| 17 |
Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in |
He offers to pay |
| 25 |
"Split the check before we go back to my place" |
He pays |
| 35 |
"Just come over." |
He cooks breakfast the next morning |
| 48 |
"Just come over and cook." |
He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids |
| 66 |
sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas. |
He can chew breakfast |
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